Jeanne’s Guide To: Dining Out – Part I

Jeanne’s Guide To: Dining Out
service

Glenn isn’t the only one who knows a thing or two about a thing or two. My 10+ years in the service industry has given me an insider’s view of the world of dining out, and I’m hear to spread the wealth!
In honor of NYC’s first restaurant week of the year I’m starting a month-long series on how to maximize your dining experience, not act like a rube, and learn to eat-out like a pro.

Hit the jump for Jeanne’s genius!

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Jeanne Says…Use Cash!

Jeanne Says…Use Cash!

Walk Softly and Carry A Big Bill

Walk Softly and
Carry A Big Bill

Use Cash! OK, I know the first thing all the New Yorkers are gonna say about getting robbed or whatever…but I feel like people don’t mug people for cash anymore, they mug you for I-Pads and Smartphones. So all that aside let me explain how the addiction to cards needs to stop, and we should re-embrace our currency!

Lookin' Spiffy Dollar Bill!

Lookin’ Spiffy Dollar Bill!

Now,like with all ‘Jeanne Says’ I’m biased. I’ve worked mostly in a cash industry- not stripping, restaurants and bars- so I’m used to carrying cash-money.I prefer that people pay with cash and let me explain: FIRST you gotta  go OVER to the credit card machine, SWIPE the stupid card that will inevitably take a few swipes to work and then WAIT for approval, risking the awkward situation of denial, then GO BACK OVER to the table, WAIT for them to sign and then go BACK over to the table, hope their math works or you get screwed and hope that they don’t take both receipts and then you lose out on the whole tip. Also, for all you group diners out there, don’t hand over SIX freakin’ cards on a check. You know what? Scratch that, if you’re gonna make us do ALLLLLL that extra work, then tip like it. Nevermind, the aggravation isn’t even worth it.

Pachyderm!

Pachyderm!

Moving on to the people who use their freakin cards to buy CUPS of COFFEE (thanks Starbucks for promoting caffeine and convenience) and get offended at minimums. Guess what people, it costs those cute small businesses money everytime you swipe. I’ve seen people get mad at a $5 minimum and there is NO reason why you should be walking around with less than $5 at any given time. That’s just dangerous. And seriously, don’t you feel like a toolbag when the nice barista hands you your Latte and asks for $3.50 and you hand over your VISA card expectantly? So lame, bro.

Swimmin' in Cash!

Swimmin’ in Cash!

Using cash helps brain stimulation! Count it out, do the math, simple yes, but it’s something right? And adventurous! What better than doing your laundry and finding a faded, folded, clean crisp $20 you didn’t even know exist? Or finding a dollar on the sidewalk? Once on a road trip I found a $10 next to a garbage can at the mall!
Using your card allows your every move to be tracked and your purchasing trends monitored. Someone steals your card? That can affect your identity, credit report and all sorts of things. Someone steals $20, you’re out $20.

Can You SpotThe Owl?

Can You Spot
The Owl?

Money’s more fun that cards! Sure, you can get your picture on your card, or customize it, and show a cause you support, but currency has all sorts of cool shit going on. You can tell a lot about a culture by its money (except European countries rockin’ the Euro) and it says something about the U.S. that our money is lousy with dead presidents ( and Ben Franklin ) and only a few women. Sidenote: The two women most associated with money are Betsy Ross who’s known for sewing a flag, and Sacagawea deblumes with the image of a women who help direct male explorers Lewis and Clarke but there’s a lot going on. There’s scenes in the West Wing, X-Files, National Treasure, as well as countless specials on the History and Discovery Channel devoted to the stuff on our bills (Illuminati!). Nothing like a fun conspiracy theory either, and it’s always fun to look for all the weird little tells on money. (owl on the $20)How about Indecent Proposal? Can you imagine if Demi More was just fondling an AMEX or a check made out to her instead of reveling in a pile of cash? So lame.

Classy Ring!

Classy Ring!

Money’s handy for party tricks! I’ve seen people do tons of origami with bills ( YouTube it! ) I myself can make you a cool ring, a skill I picked up in middle school. After September 11th people figured out how to fold bills to look like the Twin Towers. Remember ‘Where is George’ when the internet first got big? And when all the states got their quarters? Or the few times you happen upon the elusive $2 bill? Currency is fun, adventurous, historical and tangible.

Don't Fly Away Dollar Bill!

Don’t Fly Away
Dollar Bill!

In conclusion I’m not saying that we should all cut up our credit/debit cards and carry around wads and wads of greenbacks. I’m just saying that variety is the spice of life, that your actions affect others more than you think, and currency is a fun and fascinating part of culture we should all embrace. So next time you head out into the world, bring along some pocket cash for all those little and important purchases, and next time you go out to dinner, maybe make the waitresses life a bit easier with some cash money.Why?

Away We Go!

Away We Go!


‘Cause Jeanne Says So.

Fun Facts About Money:

Here's to You,Mrs.Washington!

Here’s to You,
Mrs.Washington!

The Most sought after counterfeiter in US history operated out of NYC and was known as ‘Mr.88O’, the number of the file the US  Treasury kept on him. His real name was Edward Mueller, and he only manufactured $1 bills. It took them 10 years to track him down (1938-1948)

More than 2 million Americans live on less than $2 a day

No trees were harmed in the making of you  money, it’s a blend of 25%  cotton and 75% linen

The term ‘buck’ comes from the days when Americans would trade animal pellets as currency

The flu virus can live on a dollar bill for 10 days. Gross

Martha Washington is the only woman to appear on a US note; in 1886 she appeared on the $1 silver certificate

The back of the 5$ bill features the names of all 50 states on the Lincoln Memorial

Monopoly shout out! Parker Brothers has printed more currency than the Federal Reserve

For Nick: The largest coin ever made is Australia’s Perth Mint- It is worth $53 million but has a face-value of $1 million. It is  80cm wide, 12cm deep, took 18 months to make. And of course, one side features…a kangaroo!

Jeanne Says…Read Free Local Papers!

Jeanne Says…Read Free Local Papers!

newspaperreadersoncouch

Read free local papers! Support print media! Who doesn’t like free shit?

I’ve been an avid reader of free, local periodicals for as long as I can remember and now it’s time for all of you to discover this interesting, informative and entertaining world. Living in New York there’s something for everyone and even after being here for years I still discover new papers all the time ( What up, THUNK illustrated paper!) and am a staunch follower of many ( L magazine, The Village Voice). It’s a great way to stay informed about local politics and events, and ups your intelligence stock a few points (The Long Island Press has a section called ‘How to Sound Smart at a Party) and gets you reading some news that’s not coming at you via a shiny screen.

newspaperlady

There’s many categories of free newspapers out there. You have your dailies, weeklies,monthlies and quarterlies. You have papers based on location, interest, culture (including language) or profession. Every city has its own version of The AM and Metro. Some are ‘alternative’ or ‘independent’. Some are propaganda ( yeah I’m talkin’ to you Awake! ) and some are farce ( The Onion! Love it!). There’s papers about beer (Ale Times), soccer (Goal Times), holistic medicine (Inspiration) and they’re placed in places where their demographic can find them. So next time you’re exiting a shop and you see a pile of papers on the way out, pick one up and check it out!

newspaperrack

Free newspapers are the gift that keeps on giving. They’re filled with deals and specials and if its a demographic-specific paper you’re reading, it’ll be for stuff relating to that field. The events you find from newspapers that you’d miss out on-how do you think I found out Lincoln Center was screening Christoper Nolan movies or about a Church uptown that’s got a Labyrinth you can walk through for Free Wed nights and Sunday afternoons? Plus crossword puzzles, Sudoku, ken-ken, sometimes a word search or a code puzzle. Lots of fun things to keep you occupied on the train AND help stimulate the noggin’!

Voice distributor

In addition to you winning out, supporting local papers is a de-facto good deed. You’re supporting local artist, writers, photographers, businesses and journalists. You’ll get to know your local representatives and become an informed citizen of local laws and issues. When visiting another city you can swipe a paper, seem like a local and find fun places to go and things to do. Now, say this aloud ‘I read about it online’. Eww, gross, lame. Now try this on for size; ‘ I was reading the paper and….’. Nice, right? Or this one, ‘In this week’s _____, there’s an article about ______’ Feels good, don’t it?

LongIslandPress

So next time you’re leaving a store and see a pile or there’s a dispenser out on the sidewalk or a rack by the train, grab a free paper and give it a read. Why?

newspapersubway

‘Cause Jeanne says so.

Newspaper Fun Facts:

newspaper reader

Herald Square got its name because the offices of The New York Herald were located there, same for Times Square/The New York Times
The Village Voice
88% of newspapers are recycled, commonly into more newsprint
Every newspaper is made up of about 30% recycled content
The first modern newspapers were made in western Europe-
Germany-Relation-1605
Belgium- Nieuwe Tijdingen- 1616
France- Gazette- 1631
England- The London Gazette- 1665

The New<br /><br /><br />
England Courant

The first Newspaper in the US (before it was the US) was The New England Courant in 1838 by ‘The Hell-Fire Club’ and was founded by Ben Franklin’s older brother James
The Spectator, considered to be the first satirical paper, was published in London in 1828 and is still published today
The Village Voice was founded in Greenwich Village in 1955 and became free of charge (in the 5 boroughs only) in 1996 and has a circulation of about 180,000
The most circulated newspaper in the US in ‘The Wall Street’ Journal at 2.1 million
The most circulated English paper is ‘The India Times’ at 2.14 million copies/day
For Nick!
The record daily circulation of a newspaper is held by the Soviet Newspaper ‘Trud’ which reached 21.5 million in 1990,
The record for a weekly publication is 33.5 million held by the Soviet paper ‘Angumenty I Fakty’ in 1991

Jeanne Says…Go Cuomo!

Jeanne Says…Go Cuomo!

Hurray!

Hurray!

Go Cuomo! New York State’s 56th Governor, Andrew Mark Cuomo, has made headlines again after passing the strictest gun control policy in United States history. The man is committed to his ‘New New York’ political agenda which includes balancing the budget, increasing incentives for breweries and wineries in the state, enacting same-sex marriage and fighting for the rights of students.

So he’s not perfect, there are things like funding cuts for homeless youth and possibly lifting the moratorium on fracking which I am against (believe me, I’ve sent e-mails)  but all-in-all this presumptive presidential candidate has got it going on!

So taking a page outta Mr.Butz’s book (and double it) and present you with Ten Reasons why I say, Go Cuomo!

10.) His Relationship with the Clintons and Kennedys

Pallin' Around

Pallin’ Around

Gov. Cuomo served under the Clinton Administration as Secretary of Housing and Urban Development  and also supported Hillary Clinton’s run for Senate. I think we can all agree that anyone who’s cool with ‘Slick Willy’ is fine by me! His ex-wife is Kerry Kennedy, part of another awesome political legacy in the U.S.

9.) He’s an Italian-American

Molto Italiano!

Molto Italiano!

I’m a little bias because I too am of Italian descent but it’s nice to see an Italian-American leader who’s not a character in a mob show/movie or drunk on a reality-tv show. He’s the son of Mario and Matilda, father of Mariah, Michaela and Cara. How cute is that? Molto benne!

8.) He’s Got an Awesome Girlfriend

Awww!

Awww!

Like a lot of modern men in today’s world, Gov. Cuomo has been divorced. He is now in a 5-year relationship with Sandra Lee. She’s a self-made Food Network star and author of a series of cookbooks. While not First Lady of New York (for lack of the ‘I-Do’s’) she recognizes her high-profile position and is using it to…feed people! Way to use your skill set! Her agenda is not gonna cost taxpayers any money ( again, no ring, no state money a lesson Giuliani never learned) ’cause she’s gonna pay her own way. While I’m a little wary of people who keep birds as pets ( Cuomo got her a baby cockatoo for Christmas) I still give the Gov props for landing such an awesome lady.

7.) Lookin’ Good in the New York Neighborhood!

Our 'A' Team

Our ‘A’ Team

Andy was recently named one of People’s sexiest man alive and, let’s be real, we could use a face lift in New York politics. Past governors Eliot Spitzer and David Paterson were not exactly dreamboats, but now the attractive Cuomo joins Chuck Shumer and Katherine Gillibrand as progressive New York  leaders who are easy on the eyes. Now if we could only do something about Bloomberg….

6.) He’s a Beer Man!

I Want One!

I Want One!

Gov. Cuomo held a beer and wine summit and helped pass legislation to support local breweries and wineries. How awesome is that? Thanks to him Long Island (shout-out!) wineries will thrive and awesome small breweries across the state – many right here in the city ( what up Brooklyn Brewery!)- will expand while still remaining small enough to retain their tax breaks. Think Global, drink local!

5.) He’s a Sagittarius!

Happy Birthday! Dec 6, 1957

Happy Birthday!
Dec 6

Ok, again with the bias, but this is my list damn it! Seriously, Sagittarians are awesome and when it comes to politics, ‘The Archers’ have done a lot. Other Sagg politicos  include Winston Churchill, John F. Kennedy, John Jay, and the alive and well Rahm Emmanuel. So suck on that.

4.) Did a Dandy Job During/Post Sandy

Nice Windbreaker!

Nice Windbreaker!

A lot of the East Coast leaders were thrust into the limelight during and post Sandy, and were judged accordingly. Cuomo received national praise for the way he handled the crisis. The Governor visited several sites, gave us here in the city free transportation for a week (granted, it was busses) and lobbied hard for Federal Funding relief. He also got back to his kick-ass Attorney General roots by demanding investigations into power companies that failed to provide efficient recovery and gas stations accused of price gouging. Get ’em Andy!

3.) Cuomo is Gay for Gays

Makin' Me ProudDuring Pride

Makin’ Me Proud
During Pride

On July 24, 2011 New York became the seventh state to legalize gay marriage, a campaign promise Cuomo made while running for office. Before he was the Gov, Cuomo attended the Gay Rights Parade every year with his family and stated that it was ridiculous that a progressive state like New York would deny any of its citizens rights. The Republican controlled State Senate had struck down the Marriage Equity Act several times, but Cuomo rallied the troops and got it passed, hip-hip-hooray!

2.) Pulled the Trigger on Gun Control Legislation

How a Bill Becomes a Law

How a Bill
Becomes a Law

Most recently Cuomo passed gun-control legislation (he himself is a gun-owner) in New York, in the wake of the Newport tragedy. Many (of NRA status) said that he was taking advantage of a tragedy. I find it to be exasperating that after EVERY SINGLE GUN TRAGEDY lawmakers don’t want to be seen in that light. Guess what, after Newport a 16 year old was shot on the LES of NY for not giving up his jacket. There was a school shooting in California by a 15 year old. Before Newport we had the tragedy in a Colorado movie theatre and a Congresswoman shot in Arizona. It’s refreshing to see the other side of the coin and have a leader say, ‘You know what, this just happened and it could happen again and before we forget that let’s get something done’. The legislation bans assault rifles, large carriages for bullets, and guarantees that if an Order Of Protection is issued the person it’s against must surrender their weapon. Take that NRA!

1.) Oh yeah, he’s the Governor of New York

Look at Him Go!

Look at Him Go!

New York is awesome. and vast. and highly populated. and diverse. We have beaches, mountains, waterfalls and skyscrapers. Farms and cities and islands. Andrew Cuomo, born in Queens, has come back to make his New New York (ok seriously, you couldn’t think of anything better than that?) plan work to improve the lives of the 19+ million people who call New York home. What’s next? He’s gonna be fighting for Women’s Rights, improving NY education and continuing recovery from Sandy.

A Class Act!

A Class Act!

So there you have it! My Top Ten list of why Gov. Cuomo is awesome. With a 63% job approval rating the man is an unstoppable force. I look forward to his Presidential run in 4 years and will be there to help support his campaign. He’s a beautiful man with a beautiful spirit and will be doing great things for this country.You all should take a moment and bask in the wonderment of Andrew Mark Cuomo. Why?

That's My Guy!

‘Cause Jeanne says so.

Jeanne Says…Go Vote! Monopoly Style!

Jeanne Says…..Go Vote! Monopoly Style!

Monopoly board

Go Vote Monopoly style! There is an urgent matter that needs everyone’s attention. An American icon is at stake…your favorite Monopoly token could be voted out by Feb 5, 2013, unless you do something about it.

original peices

Monopoly has announced that it’s going to be retiring and replacing one of their pieces, and they are smart enough to turn it into a publicity stunt by letting America choose which one. It’s a well known fact that Americans love to vote for unimportant trivial shit. Your ‘American Idol’, a new M&M color, which way you like your toilet paper to go (over the roll or under, seriously, Charmin did it)  and now Hasboro’s getting in the game and we get to vote on a token. While Americans tend not to come out to vote for local government seats, The Midterms, or State Supreme Court judges people are coming out in the thousands to vote for their least favorite piece and which new design gets to join the Monopoly Eight.

Before we go into the pieces on the chopping block and the (stupid) designs they’ve come up with to replace them, lets look back at some of the other iconerry that Monopoly has contributed to the Zeitgeist over the years:

pennybags

The man, the mustache, the mogul himself, Rich ‘Uncle’ Pennybags, aka Mr.Monopoly (since 1999). This cute lil’ fella’s image has been a part of Monopoly since 1936 and an air of mystery surrounds the inspiration and artist behind this character. He is also the reason I believe the top-hat will continue to be a mainstay in the Monopoly 8. ‘Get Out of Jail Free Card’, ‘Boardwalk and Park Place’, ‘Do Not Pass Go, Do Not Collect $200′ are all phrases people use on a regular basis, and are just plain ol’ fun to say. Monopoly has also had several spinoff games including Monopoly Junior and Monopoly City. There’s also customized versions including Monopoly:The Wire Edition and any other pop culture/city you can think of. There was also a short lived game show, an award winning documentary made (Under the Boardwalk;the MONOPOLY story)  McDonald’s has its own promotional Monopoly game which is played all over the world.

getouttajail

Now it’s time to get down to business. The last time people got to vote for a piece the’ bag of money’ was introduced in 1998. It was retired in 2007. Other pieces that have fallen by the wayside have been the cannon (Howitzer), man on horse, lantern, purse and rocking horse. The eight remaining are the thimble, top hat, iron, wheelbarrow, the dog (Scottie), the shoe, the battleship, and the racecar. The five designs up to be voted in are a diamond ring, a helicopter, a guitar, a robot and a cat. The guitar is just lame, the diamond ring is un-P.C. , and the robot is scary (even though he does have a cute little mustache). The helicopter’s not too shabby (i can picture flying it around the board) but in my opinion, do away with that silly wheelbarrow, and bring on the cat to have an even balance of cat and dog once and for all!

newpeices

What do you think? Let us know by placing a comment in the convenient section located below and go to www.facebook/monopoly.com  to cast your vote. Don’t rush it, remember, this is representative of our generation (sort of) and not to fan the flames of promotion, but I suggest that on the next cold night, stay in, make some snacks, get a few bottles of wine and a great group of money-hungry, competitive, dealmaking friends and settle in for a night of MONOPOLY. Pick your favorite token and take ’em all down! Tell everyone you know to vote in this critical contest of our time.Unless you want to vote in that creepy robot or flashy evil diamond ring. Do the right thing and vote for the cat. Why?

catpeices

‘Cause Jeanne Says So.

monopoly board1

OTHER FUN MONOPOLY FACTS:

-Monopoly was created by Elizabeth (Lizzie) J. Magie Phillips in 1923 and was originally title ‘The Landlord’s Game’ through which she hoped to be able to explain the single tax theory of Henry George
-The prize in the Monopoly Tournament is $20,580, the total amount of money in the bank of the board game
-The properties in Monopoly are based on streets in Atlantic City
-For Nick (who apparently hates Guiness records)- The longest MONOPOLY game ever playes was 70 straight days (1680 hours).

Jeanne Says….Hello World!

Hello World! My name is Jeanne and I’m here to give adcive, recommendations, hints and, of course, my opinion. A few of you may remember me from past colums as BITCHES BE CRAZY! and Top 5 Witches with Brendan Butz. Those days are behind us now, and going forward I want to let you know that I will be here as a beacon of light in this cold, cruel world.

Things to look forward to? We’ll be talkkng politics, current events, food, beer, zombies, action movies, women, men, puppy dogs and kitty-cats. Oh yeah, it’s gonna be good.

Now I want you to do something. I want you to lean back. Take a deep breath. Put your feet up, who cares if you’re at work, just tell your boss you’re doing ‘desk yoga’ to keep in line with your New Year’s Resolution to loose weight. Now take one more deep breath in and let it all out. I bet you feel better all ready, don’t you?

That’s the feeling you can start looking forward to every week. I’ll be here to help you sound smarter, feel better, and succeed in life without really trying. Do I have a degree? No. A day job? No, but you’re gonna listen to me anyway. Why?

‘Cause Jeanne says so.

FRIDAY FIVE! Dastardly Christmas Villains

Happy Holidays Internet!

The end of the year is a time of love and joy — a celebration of food, booze, old friends and new beginnings.  But you can’t highlight the good without a dash of the bad!

This Friday Five! brings you the Top 5 Christmas Villains.  Yes, they are a contemptible collection of baddies… but it wouldn’t be Christmas without them.  Hit the jump to see who made the list.

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