Glenn’s Guide #2: Public Transportation

Good morning, gentlemen.

Today I am going to discuss ten of the completely inconsiderate and inexplicable things I have the routine displeasure to witness people doing nearly every single time I ride the GREATEST PUBLIC TRANSIT SYSTEM IN THE WORLD*, New York City’s beloved MTA.   The people described below are all members of the global conspiracy I have dubbed “The Inconsiderati”.  To be clear, if you behave like the people described below, it doesn’t make you a bad person.  It is the fact that you are a bad person that makes you behave like a complete animal.  But fear not, dear reader!  You can change!  There is still time!  And that is why I am here.  For the people.  I’m about to let you know exactly what everyone else on your train thinks of you.

The lesson begins after the jump!  (Warning:  Salty language ahead) Continue reading

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Ask The Gents!: A Call For Submission

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The Casual Gentlemen are launching a new weekly feature! Ask The Gents! Ask us your most pressing life questions. Ask us your fleeting curiosities. Ask us anything at all! We will do our best* to give you an answer that satisfies and relieves. Leave your questions in the comments here or email them to casualgentlemenproductions@gmail.com!

*We’ll give it the ol’ college try.

Nick Hates Guiness

Don’t freak out! I’m not talking about their beer. I’ll always love beer and Guinness is no exception to that. I’m talking about their record book. It is interesting though that a company who brings me so much pleasure could also bring me so much pain. That a company which provides me with a beer with such a thick head could also expose me to thousands of people with even thicker ones.

On Friday, May 11th, James Peterson spent 16 hours attempting to set the world record for “Jersey-style” fist pumping. He set out as a man with a dream. Granted, he’s a dumb man with a dumb dream, but a man with a dream nonetheless. The training that must have been required for this feat is astounding.

“I used to hang light fixtures, so I am used to having my hands above my head,”

The sorts of scientific precautions and preparations he must have taken to ensure a perfect pump every time.

“My fist is super-glued together to ensure I maintain perfect fist formation.”

Peterson now joins the ranks of Charlotte Lee, who hold the record for the largest collection of rubber ducks:

And Paul Hunn, the worlds loudest burper:

Truly, the accomplishments of these great human specimens deserve our attention and awe as they be recorded into the annals of history by way of the Guinness Book Of World Records.

You know, that or never again allowed to occupy public life. One of the two.

People say, “Nick, why does this bother you? How does their obscure fame affect you in any way?” I’ll tell you how. The next time a friend of mine burps, my first thought won’t be, “nice one” or “way to go” it will be “Did you know that Paul Hunn can belch at a volume of 118 db, the same as a clap of thunder?” The next time Someone makes a reference to The Jersey Shore or fist pumping of any kind, in place of chiding them for such awful choices in television, I will tell them about how James Peterson only went 16 hours to set his record but would consider trying to hit 24 hours in the future, you know, for charity. God forbid anyone should bring up rubber ducks in my presence, it would conjure visions of the above photograph, which has now taken roots in my nightmares.

The point is these are now pieces of information that occupy my mind when, I dare say, they needn’t. The only thing I can do to make myself feel better about it is think about the fact that now that you’ve read this, it’s in your head too.

GOTCHA!

Enjoy this edutaining video as a consolation prize:

FRIDAY FIVE! Best Movie Feasts

Happy Thanksgiving!  …Or merry Black Friday if you’re into that sort of thing (shame on you).

This week, in honor of separatists, native peoples and good ‘ol American overindulgence, the Casual Gentlemen bring you the top five most mouth-watering film feasts.  These cinematic tributes focus on delicious food (of course) as well as presentation.  If you can make the worlds greatest gravy, great!… but if you can deliver it to me on a miniature choo-choo train that chugs around the table.  Well.  You’ve just made the top five!

Which iconic movie feast takes the cake?  Click the jump to find out.

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Glenn’s Guide #1: Surviving the Holidays – Thanksgiving & Black Friday

Good morning, gentlemen.
Welcome to this, the first installment of Glenn’s Guide.  As the Casual Gentleman with the most knowledge about the world and its ways, it has fallen on my shoulders to present all of you with a sextant and star chart to help you navigate the rocky waters of life.

Today I’m going to give you some handy tips on how a Casual Gentleman can successfully survive the minefield that has come to be known as “The Holiday Season”.  In the first installment, we tackle Thanksgiving and its insane child “Black Friday”.
Hit the jump for your Thanksgiving survival tips.
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Nick Hates Everything: An Introduction

Hey all!

Nick here to bitch and complain at you. Don’t worry, I won’t be bitching and complaining about you (well, maybe sometimes), I’ll be bitching and complaining about pretty much everything else.

Nick Hates Everything

A BIT OF BACK STORY

Before we started this here blog, I had started work on a different blog, a blog called Nick Hates Everything. It was a compilation of hopefully humorous rants about pretty much anything I could think of and how awful they are. Really everything is awful when you think about it. I am not a glass half full kind of guy. If I pay for a full glass I expect a full glass and whoever is happy with getting half a glass is a dumb idiot. You just got ripped off man, get mad! Anger and hatred are important parts of us, we all feel them and if you try to suppress them you will, and this is science, you will become a serial killer. Everyone has something that pisses them off and as long as you don’t direct your hate at a specific group of people or me, there’s really nothing to worry about. So get mad Gentlemen!

WHAT’S GOING ON HERE?

So now it is time for Nick Hates Everything to come on over to the Casual Gentlemen blog as a weekly feature which will be posted every Monday (normally in the morning, sorry this puppy is late) because Mondays suck and they deserve the hate (a future post). I am going to start you off by reposting a few of my personal favorites from the old blog to get you going and then start writing new ones in a couple of weeks. If you were already an avid fan of the old blog, well, then you are awesome and Nick does not hate you, new stuff will be up shortly. If you are new to this idea, then I hope you enjoy. Either way, make sure you post your feelings on whatever subject I happen to be ranting about in the comments and also feel free to leave suggestions for future rants. Who knows, maybe the thing you hate most will become the next feature on Nick Hates Everything.

For my first post I’m going to share with you, well, my first post. It is (I think quite appropriately) titled, Nick Hates Blogs and originally went online November 11, 2011, almost exactly a year ago. Enjoy!

NICK HATES BLOGS

As clever a title for my first post as this is, it is very much true. Blogs are self-indulgent, petty and 99% boring as all hell. This is a fact that StumbleUpon has yet to learn about my web-browsing tastes as it continues to send me to blog after blog written by mid-westerners and teenage girls. I don’t give a crap about your top 5 favorite lasagna recipes. No one wants to know about the amazing thing your five year-old said at dinner the other night, it’s not that insightful. Just show me Daily Show segments, TED talks, pictures of cats doing silly things, the occasional naked woman and (depending on how late it is/how drunk I am) a website where I can move a bubble around the screen with my cursor.

What is a blog? Where did it come from? Why am I writing one? All valid questions. Lets take them one at a time:

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FRIDAY FIVE! Best Movie Mustaches

Hello faithful readers.

As you may or may not know, The Casual Gentlemen are taking part in Movember, an annual, month-long event that raises awareness of Men’s heath issues (from depression to prostate cancer).  We have taken it upon ourselves to grow swanky, suave or just plain creepy mustaches… I’m growing out the “Shakespeare,” natch!  Check out Zane’s post to see all the fun shaving action that happened at the beginning of the month.

The Casual Gentlemen will be chronicling our mustache growth (at the moment, mine looks like a blonde, starving caterpillar…) on our very own Movember web page.  If you enjoy watching us profane or faces with sad attempts at pure testosterone, and have a few extra dollars in your pocket, we ask that you donate to the Movemebr charity.  All money donated goes directly to important charity work, predominately the awareness and treatment of prostate cancer.  Thank you.

So, in honor of events to keep us bros healthy and looking good (or smarmy), I present the top 5 movie mustaches!  The rules are simple: only movie characters that are NOT based on real people.  Will your favorite ‘stache make the list?  Find out after the jump.

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